Musings: 2/6/2020

I trust myself,

and I think that says a lot.

a lot of people operate from a place of fear because they can't trust themselves

for some what is a great mystery,

is for others, great mastery.

I know myself,
at my core.

I'm comfortable in my skin,

I operate within this body

and it is all I've ever known.

I've been with me longer than anyone on this planet.

I'll be damned if I allow anyone to cause me to live in a way 

where I trust another more than myself.

I've worked hard for this.

I'm extremely proud of the woman that I am,

I trust her

to deliver,

to set (and stick to) healthy boundaries,

to be 

upstanding and

righteous

and first and foremost,

to know her worth

...

don't run when happiness finds you

don't duck and hide

revel in the moment

enjoy the space

you deserve to be here

be.



down for you x ta ku,

the latest song that I can't stop playing

Everything In Life Is Temporary. (I Wrote This About A Week Ago...)

There comes a time in life where you start to realize that even after all the fall outs, best friends/new friends, loyalties tested, mended and (seemingly) forever broken, hardships, laughter, tears, make-ups and break-ups there are still more to come. As much as you may feel comfortable with all of the people in your life at the moment (or uncomfortable even) some of the most significant relationships of your life may be ahead of you. Everything in life is temporary and your best friend today may fade into an associate years down the line, while someone you walk past daily may one day have a starring role in your life.

You just never know how your life is going to play out. This past year has showed me that in more ways than one. You can cross paths with someone that you never even fathomed having anything in common with, yet alone a conversation... to find yourself speaking multiple times a day and falling in love. All the while someone you had so much deep love and admiration for can turn into someone that you barely know - or want to - in the blink of an eye. We grow, we change and that's what we're here to do. Trying to keep someone in your life past their welcome is detrimental to all parties involved. Save yourself the headache, and look forward to what’s to come.

We never know what people are sent into our life for; season/reason/lifetime, and unfortunately (or fortunately depending on how you look at it) many of them will be lessons. And that's not to sound like a bitter 'the cup's half empty' kind of person, it's more so to draw attention to the fact that change is okay. Letting things and people go is perfectly fine. Seasons come and seasons go. You wouldn't try wearing a leather jacket at the peak of summer, would you?

 

I Tend To Write ( And Think ) A Lot On Planes

The thing I love most about being on a plane is take off. Watching all of your problems - well everything really - become smaller and smaller beneath you. The worries of the world seem to fade away when you're thousands of miles above them. We become so caught up in ourselves and our every day stressors that we forget how vast the world really is; the aerial view from the plane is a great reminder. Any feelings of being alone whether it be in thought, interests, etc. seem challenged when there are billions of people beneath your feet, hustling and bustling in their every day lives.. having the same thoughts, vision clouded by their immediate surroundings. If only they could get to a plane..

Rakim said it best,
"What would you say as the Earth gets further and further away/
Planet as small as balls of clay/
Stray into the Milky Way, world's out of sight/
As far as the eye can see, not even a satellite."

Change your perspective, 

change your life.

Musings: 7/30/2014

today I leave for LA

six days away

surrounded by new vibes + no worries

the need to escape is real

and so is my desire to start anew in an unexplored location

nothing holds me here but family/ friends

associates I rarely see

and nostalgia

and while I love them more than life itself

it's time to spread my wings

I want to meet more people like me

I want to be around the real

love that gives no reason to question, ever
because it exists,

organically grown friendships

nice weather

kind souls

and high windows,

candy colored buildings 

art on the sidewalks

a career that allows me to sit on the airport floor, 

indian style, 

huddled next to an outlet blogging from my laptop 

as I am now.

somewhere just outside of a big city

my own little personal eat pray love

Musings |Thoughts On Love: 7/11/2014

To choose to be in a relationship with someone is so beautiful as it is a declaration of: 'I choose to be with this person over everyone else.' Out of all of the billions (and counting) people in the world, I choose you. And that's not saying just everyone in our lives at the moment because we meet so many people over the course of a lifetime. I feel as though you have to have something so strong to say, 'I choose you over people that I haven't even met yet,' because the feeling is that real. You know that no matter who you might run into tomorrow, or the next day or five years down the line... no one can or will compare to what you've found in this one special person. Unshakable, unmovable. That's love.

Musings x 7/2/2014

I'm not perfect,

far from it even.

the mistakes that I make I have to live with day by day
but I have a good heart
I try, and if that fails
I pick myself up and try again.
I like to believe in people
and what they say,
but more so in what they do.
I find comfort in many of the practices of Buddhism
but I'm no Buddhist.
Soy Valiente
If I claim to love you, I mean it.
and I always will...
It's something you will never have to question
ever.
I like to be surrounded by good energy and good people provide that.
I strongly believe that stress is a choice
and it's one that I'm trying to choose less and less
...again, I'm not perfect.
the desire to control and have a hold over others

is something I outgrew years ago.
I try to operate from a place of sincerity, so it hurts when people take advantage of that.
I'm aware of how rare it is that they don't.

(cue Lauryn Hill x Forgive them Father)
and operate best when I feel light and free
cooking is soothing, the ocean is soothing, as is the night sky.
I like to get my feelings off of my chest
because they don't do me any good there.
I've learned that people will say they are an idealized image of who they wish to be instead of who they truly are.
a strong awareness of self is  very important
to see what people are capable of and then watch them fall short of that is incredibly disappointing.
find comfort in knowing that "now" is all you ever truly have
the past is gone, the future is always in front of you
be present
I've learned that sometimes when you come to care about someone is when they'll start to disregard your feelings, and it's not always easy to see them not give you the respect that you'd so effortlessly allot them

... and even harder to let them go.
respect yourself by distancing yourself from what repeatedly and knowingly causes you pain.
and know that some people will never be appreciative until they no longer have something worth appreciating.
I'm working on letting go of my wants and building a stronger faith
It can be hard
and you will be tested to ensure that you truly want the things that you're praying for

don't fail those.



Good, Bad, Yin, Yang.

For every bad thing that happens in the world, there is good happening as well. A very positive start to my day gave way to me feeling extremely overwhelmed by noon (crazy how quickly the tides turn). To overcome this feeling I reminded myself that within everything that happens to us there is purpose; I then proceeded to do a good deed for someone and instantly the weight on my shoulders lifted. I think that every time I start to feel myself drifting too deeply into my thoughts I will do something to bring light to someone else. It is through service unto others that we can help encourage ourselves.

I also began looking up the philosophy behind yin and yang. Good read here.



Musings: 6/12/2014 Pt. 2

growth has never been comfortable.

think back to adolescence

they don't call them "growing pains" for nothing

 

the awkwardness of being the first in your class to have a growth spurt...

having to wait months, and at times even years for others to catch up

spiritual growth is no different

 

it's like being 6 feet tall in the third grade

 

you're going to stand out.

you're going to feel different.

 

uncomfortable at times, trying to hunch over to fit in with those who haven't stretched their spiritual "limbs" yet

 

soon you'll realize that hunching and trying to lower yourself to an unenlightened level hurts.

 

 

so don't.

 

stand tall in your conviction.

if others catch up, great

if not,

don't lower yourself to meet them

have them rise to meet you

 

 

+++

continued growth in self

not visible to the naked eye,

 

but felt

 

understood only by those who are growing toward the same light



Musings: 6/12/2014

waking up earlier to make the most out of my day

the goal is to upgrade every aspect of my life... one change at a time
can't wait to get back to Cali!

look book photo shoots on the horizon

tired of talking

action, and only action, from here on out

I enjoy my alone time
cranberry juice
GOOD VIBES ONLY.
I'm a to- do list making fool

this was karma, I'm ok with that.
I actually like when people point out my short-comings/ hold me accountable.
have to start somewhere

my journal entries will find their way into a book one day

I miss some things... but I don't have to

 I choose to.
please check out this amazingly inspiring post from my friend Chelli, "The Basting Stitch Called Life." 

'if you love something, let it go,
if it comes back it's yours, if it doesn't it never was'
= real.

brave heart

respect is just the minimum

wethetribe.bigcartel.com

 tomorrow is Friday the 13th...
and truckeroo
"The space between where you want to go and what you have often requires loss before regaining ground." —Greg Hartle

absence makes the heart grow fonder or the mind grow clearer
free will,
don't push
did something today my future self will (hopefully) thank me for
"The best advice I ever came across on the subject of concentration is: Wherever you are, be there." —Jim Rohn

focus.

Musings x 5/27/2014

rededicating myself to doing what I love

want: a dream catcher

never allow someone to make you feel bad about taking time to work on and better yourself.
it shouldn't feel like pulling teeth...
we live the life we design
'the world is mine when I wake up'
Me.
wish I could go back

Xmen was great

found a vintage Bob Marley concert poster at the wine fest. score!

wine > stress
I believe in people
3 Ways to Shift Unconscious Patterns That Are Holding You Back
season change
hopeful,
looking up flights is so therapeutic
just knowing that you can get up and go at any given moment is liberating
shot so many videos saturday riding around in the car with Ash

don't assign responsibilities to people who didn't ask for them
the next two weekends shall be epic
some people will forever try to force a square peg through a round hole
..let them
excited for the new season of orange is the new black!
the last five trips I've taken have been solo
never thought I'd become so comfortable
law and order: svu marathons
the sad truth of it is, sometime we build things up in our head to be more than what they are
YouTube this ---> Hidden Colors 2: The Triumph of Melanin

"your judgment/ view is altered when you're too close or in too deep."

I like to keep my calendar as full as possible. down time is dangerous.
running
“You can never cross the ocean unless you have the courage to lose sight of the shore.” –Christopher Columbus
2014, the year I stopped waiting on others to live my life


( SIDE NOTE: It wouldn't be Memorial Day weekend without crashing a few cookouts. This one was fun. )

Musings x 5/12/2014

I wish people were who they say they are
we have so much more control over our lives than we realize
nothing more than a 'choose your own ending' book
happy to know you're doing well
think I passed on my blessing years ago
want: cotton candy
living social happy hour cruises
hair growth regimen: pineapple up do's to prevent breakage
Vashtie vibes

change the way you look at things and the things you look at change

flowers in bloom
can't defend fiction.
I like to make people around me feel like they're on a hidden camera show.. lol
I deserve EVERYTHING good that comes my way.
let God bless you
Now playing: Superstar x Lauryn Hill
"come on baby light my fire, everything you drop is so tired"
want: sunflowers
I've dealt with a lot of unappreciative people in my life.. and to some I've probably been that person. But one thing I've learned along the way is we always come to regret the things we didn't appreciate. Whether it be immediate or years down the line.

I get to see Outkast in less than a month.. life complete

TRIBE traveled to a new state this week; Wisconsin!
I don't like being torn..
because that means that the good and the bad are too close to call
I don't need my ego stroked
what is ego anyway?
my friends keep me motivated

It'll never be different as long as you want more of the same
I'd like to catch the carnival the next time it's in town

we have a choice in who we deal with.. stop being a slave to your associations

responsibility

ox blood in the spring
no fried foods!
dreams reveal things we don't even know are lingering because they are so deeply lodged in our subconscious
you don't have to 'relive' your childhood if you make it a point to keep the fun going.. never stop living
my prayers for you went unanswered
GOAL to not relive the same year/ story line again

It Takes More Than Water To Grow A Garden

it takes more than water to grow a garden

there's a difference between maintaining one, and actually putting love and care into it

why plant the seeds

( SIDE NOTE: "Do a little more each day then you think you can." - Lowell Thomas )

I don't push my thoughts or views on anyone

And I don't look down on others for not seeing the world the way that I do

I appreciate every opinion or viewpoint for what it is 

And it took a lot of time and growth in myself to become this way

I've learned more about who I want to be by viewing certain traits in others that I didn't want to become.

Nobody's perfect.

I'm learning,

You're learning

We can all learn and grow at our own pace

On our own personal levels of awareness and one day hopefully learn to respect that of others. 

Growth,

Enlightenment,

It's meant to be shared. 

( SIDE NOTE: In the new year I'm going to stop trying to be everything to everyone. )